1040 Ticklers

When your eyes have glazed over and you cannot stand any more excitement from the IRC, IRM, or other IRS literary creation, try the pithy truths below!

America is the land of opportunity.  Everyone can become a taxpayer.

A fool and his money are soon parted.
The rest of us wait until income tax time.

The latest income-tax form has been greatly simplified. It consists of only three parts:
1.  How much did you make last year?
2.  How much do you have left?
3.  Send amount listed in part 2.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a financial problem you didn't know you had
in a way you don't understand.

A lot of people still have the first dollar they ever made.
Uncle Sam has all the others.


Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.
Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teach him taxes are no joke.
Tax his car, tax his ass
Tax the roads he must pass.
Tax his tobacco, tax his drink,
Tax him if he tries to think.
Tax his booze, tax his beers,
If he cries, tax his tears.
Tax his bills, tax his gas,
Tax his notes, tax his cash.
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes, he has no dough.
If he hollers, tax him more,
Tax him until he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin, tax his grave,
Tax the sod in which he lays.
Put these words upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me to my doom!"
And when he's gone, we won't relax,
We'll still be after the inheritance TAX!
-Author Unknown

Some people think the government owes them a living.
The rest of us would gladly settle for a small tax refund.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Q:  What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A:  Depreciation.

Whomever said that truth never hurts never had to fill out a Form 1040.

There are two types of people who complain about paying their income tax...
Men and women.

I hate junk mail...and that includes the tax forms they send me.

If Congress can pay farmers not to raise crops,
why can't we pay Congress not to raise taxes?

President Herbert Hoover was the first President to give his salary back to the government.
Now the government would like everyone to do it.

Q:  What is the definition of Death?
A: When you stop paying taxes suddenly.

Q:  Why is a tax loophole like a good parking spot?
A: As soon as you see one, it's gone.

    The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
    Many people had tried over time - weightlifters, strongmen, etc. - but no one could do it. One day a scrawny little man came into the bar wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet."  After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
    But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weightlifter, what?"
    The man replied, "I'm an IRS Agent."

Income tax is Uncle Sam's version of "Truth or Consequences."

Doing your own income tax return is a lot like a do-it-yourself mugging.

There was a time when $1200 would buy a car.
Now it's the sales tax.

Drive carefully.
Uncle Sam needs every taxpayer he can get.

A dollar saved is bound to be taxed.
And so is a penny earned.

It's hard to believe America was founded to avoid high taxation.

After one pays their income tax,
one knows how a cow feels after she's been milked.

Income tax forms should be printed on Kleenex
because so many of us have to pay through the nose.

Bumper Sticker:
When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case Heaven is like the IRS.

Isn't it appropriate that the month when the taxes are due begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of "May Day!"?

Did you ever notice?
When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells: "THEIRS."

Q: Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?
A: Because for every $50 that you earn, you get $10 and they get $40.

A political promise today means another tax tomorrow.

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